Welcome to our new weekly column with Russ “chords of gold” Palmer. This week, he writes with grave concern to Toblerone…

(Editor’s note: this might be the reason behind the name of his band, The Unfortunate Incident)

Dear Mr Toblerone,

I was recently eating one of the large variety of your snack when a rather unfortunate incident occurred. I was quite hungry at the time and found your chocolate to be rather tasty and thought it would satisfy the aforementioned hunger.

I snapped off one of the chunks/triangles and placed it into my mouth; only to find that the triangle was slightly larger than I had envisaged and it became wedged. I poked and prodded the offending article but it would not budge leaving my mouth gaping.

I thought to myself: what would Michael Burke do in a situation like this? So I turned on my gas fire and sat with my face in front of it till the chocolate had melted enough to dislodge it with my finger. I then ate the chocolate and found it to be very nice when slightly melted.

I understand that this is probably a rare occurrence but I am writing for assistance, as I cannot eat another Toblerone until I have cleared this matter up. Please could you tell me the correct way to eat a large Toblerone? If you could send me a step-by-step guide, a diagram or a small flipchart explaining the procedure, I would be very grateful.

Yours Sincerely

Russell  Palmer

P.S. I have no problem eating the smaller bars or the individual sections, as these are too small to be wedged into my mouth.

TOBLERONE REPLY

Dear Mr Palmer

Thank you for your letter concerning Toblerone and I am sorry to learn of the difficulties you experienced whilst eating your Toblerone.

Toblerone is made in a variety of different sizes, from the smallest 35g sized bar through to the very large 4.5kg bar and the peaks on each of these vary in size. Unfortunately, without having the details of exactly which sized bar you were eating, it is very difficult to comment specifically on your experience. Thank you for taking the time to contact us and I will pass your comments on to the Toblerone Brand Team so that they are aware of your views.

In recent years we have introduced a variation on our Toblerone product onto the market called One by Ones. These are individually wrapped segments of Toblerone chocolate which make it easy for consumers to eat or also share with their family or friends. Please find enclosed some vouchers which you may care to use to try some Toblerone One by Ones and anything else from our wide range of products and I do hope that you will continue to enjoy Toblerone in the future.

Yours Sincerely

Sarah Munday
Consumer Care Executive.

Addendum.
They lovely Toblerone people send me Kraft Vouchers to the value of £3, weirdly just enough to buy one of the biggest size bar again, is that a challenge?

While Russell is not getting into these pickles, he sings and plays guitar in The Unfortunate Incident

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