Hi, people who still mourn Oberyn‘s dashingly good looks getting perma-ruined last week.  My name is Orestes P. Xistos and I’ve upgraded my position in this Shithole of a Website (TM) called Sloucher. Once I reviewed singles & EPs, I now write about a show that is basically 50 Shades of Grey for bros/lads/patanes.

Hey, the editors at this place allow me the occasional Monty Python reference and I get away with reminiscing my days as a Dungeon Master. Like last week when The Mountain rolled a natural 20 and with all his bonuses (bonii?) was able to do a called shot to Oberyn‘s mug and smash it up (Offspring style!) . I know a couple of DMs who wouldn’t allow that, but it’s the sort of assholes that don’t allow for players to be Ranger/Cleric dual class. So fuck ’em, let’s play this by house rules, even if it seems it’s House of Lannister‘s rules. Which is very grim for our lovely Tyrion. Oh, well, maybe some enterprising Mage (lvl 5) can cast Transmute Rock to Mud and spring Our Beloved Dinklage out of prison? Is Wentworth Miller doing anything? Can’t we cast him as another lost Lannister brother? Howzabout he guest stars as Orson Lannister? That could work? “Hey guys, I faked my death ‘cuz I needed to spring that pudgy dude from Blade Trinity!”

C’mon, you know it’s believable ‘cuz no one would honestly accept they’ve seen Blade Trinity. Not even the cast accepts filming  Blade Trinity. “Sure, Mr. Jason Lee lookalike Ryan Reynolds, you weren’t in Blade Trinity… Although I don’t believe your story about your clone starring in that crappy Wolverine movie.”

Sorry, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself.  Repent your sins, crack open a beer (or the head of any Stark near you) and read my spoilerific and inaccurate take on tonight’s episode, The Watchers on the Wall:

Continue reading “Review: Game of Thrones – The Watchers on the Wall”