Jonny’ll fix it … or he’ll fix you is Sloucher’s own “Agony Aunt” section. These are true cases, but the identities of those involved were changed to protect them. Feel free to send your troubles our way.

This week, one concerned member of a certain tv show writes with utmost fear about how his show is being treated…

Dear Jonny Sock,

I write you with utmost importance, my fine fellow, salt of the earth chum!

You see, our dear auntie Beeb thinks that it can get away with splitting that British Institution, Doctor Who, into two series in one year, instead of giving me my Gallifrey given right of 13 episodes on one go.

I must pound my fist in anger towards this callous decision. WHY OH WHY must the BBC mess around with their sacred cow, this fountain of wealth and merchandise that has enrichened our TV heritage and Mr. Couplings-Chalk-Pressgang’ wallet?

Also, I would like to add that I’m terribly offended about the way the BBC is handling the artistic depiction of the previous adventures of our beloved Man in the Blue Box! GRRR!

You see, they keep releasing in a cynical, drip-feed fashion all those stories by those Doctors of yonder, but they mess up with the images and sound and all. The DVDs are rubbish! Why can’t they all leave it fuzzy, specky and with microphones floating, like I remember it? Why must they make everyone look like Cheryl Cole‘s skin with Yahoo Serious‘ hair colour? That is not how it was transmitted! I want it on DVD “as is”.

Should us, the fan, rile up against these nefarious abuses the BBC has carried upon us and show who is really in power? [The ratings, of course – Editor]

I’m frankly TIRED of Auntie Beeb doing this. Please, please, please, Jonny Sock, fix it for me and let me get what I want.

Yours sincerely,

Duffel Coat Donny

PS: What is this “saddo” thing I keep getting called?

My Dear Dullard Donny

Now, here is some information that may shock and astound you but….

Dr Who….

IS A CHILDREN’S TV SHOW….

Made primarily for the entertainment of…

You guessed it…

STUPID CHILDREN…

Who would be comparatively entertained if you gave them a frog and a stick. Stop intellectualising and giving artistic kudos to kids’ television.

What’s next?

Is Thomas the Tank Engine a searing indictment of the privatisation of the UK’s rail network? With the Fat Controller symbolising greedy and inefficient management?

Is Postman Pat an earnest portrait of a man trying to remain productive as the Royal Mail crumbles around him?

Is Thundercats a social experiment where freaky people from different backgrounds hang around doing nothing in an ostentatiously designed building and eventually end up ganging up on the old guy?

Is Mr. Benn a shocking expose on benefit fraud, where the eponymous hero does a different cash-in-hand job every week?

No… They are all dumb kid’s shows that are just a bunch of stupid characters doing stupid stuff with the sole purpose of flogging toys.

Turn off the TV, sell your box-sets and use the money to go on some dates and kiss some girls instead.

You’re welcome

Jonny Sock

PS: Dr. Who sucks because they killed off the ninth Doctor (or tenth if you count Richard E. Grant‘s Doctor in the BBCi episode Scream Of The Shalka) Christopher Eccleston after he absorbed the energies of the time vortex after defeating the Daleks in Series 27 Episode 13 (‘The parting of the ways’). He was the best Doctor ever and all the other Doctors are Paul McGann in comparison.