Interview – Hey Sholay

Once upon a time, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when men were birch trees and women were ash trees (whole meaning to birds and the bees, uh?), we asked Hey Sholay to give us an interview.

Sadly, it was just on the eve of a world tour that included kicking Onslaught‘s butt (fuckin’ Marvel comics…). After all that droning, playing and sashaying, the band went into recording BUT they were very kind and sent their newest member to talk to us.

Beware, he’s NO ordinary rabbit. 

1) Hey Rabbit, how is life in Hey Sholay treating you? I know being the new member is hard, but how have they reacted to you taking theremin duties?

They have proved very welcoming thus far- I have a new condo in the back of the tour van, in exchange for nightly guard duty of the energy drinks box. In regards to Theremin duties, it’s taking a while to build up a level of trust live. But hopefully I’m getting there…

2) You’ve been an unwilling witness to the creation of their new stuff, do you have any idea when would it come out and what it’s sounding like?

It seems to have meandered slowly, carving itself into the landscapes of different keyboards and creases of different smiles. A familiarity is retained, but there are definite differences there. A full stop will be put to older material before new music is released. The album is already past tense to be released around next March. Still, my ears prick up which is a positive sign.

3) The band once released a cursed pink cassette tape. Is it true that the new album will come out in 3 1/4 Floppy disks, each one with one colour and the special edition will have mood rings?

Word has been whispered to me in sleep of perhaps a release on wax cylinder or betamax, to be played only on 9v zinc battery powered players, when running out of juice, Like a good fuzz pedal. However, for most a cd will suffice as a frisbee like start.

4) Since you are in the only band that was present at the Fall of Constantinople that still delivers songs, what do you remember the most? Is it true the Knights Templars were downing shots and asking for “Freebird”?

The Knights Templar prefer black sambuca, as it is flammable and sticky. When under attack, especially in Malta, it is useful to douse a hoola hoop (wrapped in sack cloth) in sambuca, light, then throw them on unsuspecting infantry. They burn alive. True story. They were asking us to play The Doors though. We obliged.

5) Every Hey Sholay performance has the band moving steady to the beat of the music. Are you pulling a Liam Gallagher and just stay there looking at the distance with a tambourine in paw?

Unfortunately, I don’t have opposeable thumbs, so cannot grab a tambourine. You see if I move too much, I may get trodden on due to my scale. I was going for the John Cale vibes…

6) On that subject, how is your clothing line doing?

Great, though it is getting increasingly harder to import various amphibian skin across from South Korea.

7) Could you help me out with something? I’m playing Wolverine: Origins on Xbox and fucking Wendigo is ruining my groove. I just want to get Logan to eat a hoagie and smoke a bowl but he keeps getting ripped to shreds by Wendigo. What am I doing wrong?

Ah well this is simple. You need to get a scart-splitter cable from your console, and feed the video in, but an audio signal from the Tago Mago Can album. He will chill accordingly, or at the worst try to spear you in 4/4. Try to distract him with some syncopated footwork, Or skullfuck him in 7/8 and 13/4 for variance. This requires concentration.

8) Has the carbon foot print of Laurie’s pedalboard being upset by something by the band? Like planting ficcus trees in Soyo?

We have started a Washington-based charity called ‘superchinchillarescuemission’. This involves the volounteer creatures being sent out to kill lumberjacks by any means necessary. Well, any of those who go over their 80% of personal land settlement quotas.

9) I have heard rumours by the watercooler that Stefan is in reality Richard Hammond’s lost twin in disguise and is playing in Hey Sholay to run away from Jeremy Clarkson? Is this true?

Sadly, it is not true whatsoever. Stefan is actually the tallest member of the band, and stands further away from the audience than the rest of the band, due to his strong sense of smell. However, Hammond is a good friend of Stefan’s because of their mutual love for drag racers. Also, interesting fact: Jeremy Clarkson is not actually alive anymore. He was killed in 1997, by Stef in a flintlock duel; over the hand of a dinner lady at Hill House School in Doncaster (she made great ‘Sago’, if you are reading Jeremy). Jeremy on the BBC is only an archive of old remastered footage of general racist and political comments by him some years ago. The physical role of Clarkson is played by a shaved Harry from the sitcom Harry and the Hendersons.

10) Will you bring the lovely style of drone into the public consciousness? Is this why you were seen at the Jodrell Bank telescope?

We were at the Jodrell bank telescope, trying to record Quasars. Drone is always sat in our music, whether you hear on not. Perhaps in the future we will push up the faders a little more…

11) What is the future of the left?

The left section of the Parietal lobe of the Brain controls the ability to understand languages and speech. The future of the left is for this section of the mind to grow further to incorporate (innately) the languages of other species once the human race has fully accepted the Unified Field Theory as religion and is ready to intellectually develop further in late 2012. Telepathy will follow sometime in 2018 after first contact with aliens. Sadly, English will not be the primary language, as we will be new novices to the network of developed higher beings…

Thank you very much Bunny! 

Spcial thanks to L. Ward (bunny wrangling) and Leigh Laurie Allport (bunny translation)

Words: Orestes ‘Maddafacow’ Xistos & Sam J. Valdés López

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