By the summer of 2009, Modest Mouse were in a strange position. The commercial success of Good News For People Who Love Bad News and We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank meant their well-deserved place on the spotlight was theirs, but fans of the older, brash stuff were quick to bandy the “sell out” disqualifier.

I dunno, I’m happy we have a band that changes. I don’t want my music samey. It’s not like there isn’t abrasive shouting on these releases. Dance Hall covers your Isaac Brock urgent screaming desires for months. Bukowski harks that dark gothic undercurrent Modest Mouse loves so much while still serving as a critique of the writer.

Not gonna lie, I heard about them for the longest of time, and they were on my “sam will listen to them later”, forgotten with a thousand bands I needed to check out. Float on made me a fan and when I went through their back catalogue, I was confused at first, but found a lot to love. Neverending Math Equation is on my top three Modest Mouse songs, for sure. The Mark Kozelek cover EP was a good reinterpretation of their work. Shame about him being an unpleasant person.

But back to 2009. No One’s First, and You’re Next is released in August 2009. An EP collecting odds and sods from both Good News… and We were Dead…, the entire focus is on King Rat, as the original idea for the disturbing animated video came from Heath Ledger, just before his tragic death. It’s a macabre sea shanty that hits all the right spots and it’s a tremendous choice for the EP’s hook.

And I chose The Whale Song as my top song of this EP because it’s my all time fave Modest Mouse song. The uneasy intro, prolonged with guitar acrobatics, prolapsing the listener’s patience until it screeches into that mantra-like chorus. “I guess I’m a scout so I should find a way out, so everyone can find a way out” goes into the nihilistic themes of We Were Dead…, and Brock’s delivery, akin to a mental breakdown, is both heartfelt and heartwrenching.

A good friend of mine was also obsessed with this song as we used to compare this song to one of several panic attacks we both had experienced in our lives. The explosive downpour of emotions on the song leaves you cold. You can’t cry as you’re spent.

It’s a weird feeling revisiting this song. I’m no stranger to mental breakdowns and a crippling depression that leaves me just active enough to clean and eat. Few songs can describe my panic attacks as well as this one. Sometimes an unexplained sense of responsibility for a lot of people in my life sends me spiraling. Maybe this scout needs a break.

-Sam J. Valdés López