First of all may I congratulate you on getting all those celebrities to stand so still for so long… only joking.

I recently visited your wonderful establishment and had the most delightful of days, however the day was slightly marred by an unfortunate incident that was wholly preventable. My party and I very much enjoyed having our photographs taken with your waxworks and were very pleased with the results (especially the one of me licking Angelina Jolie’s face, which by the way you should discourage as Ms. Jolie tastes vile.)

Anyway, on walking around I noticed the waxwork of Terry Nutkins and as I used to love the Really Wild Show,  I ran up to have my picture taken with it. Now as you will know Mr. Nutkins is somewhat folically challenged and I thought that an amusing pose would be of me polishing his head, but to my surprise the minute I started to rubbing it’s head, it sprang to life screaming: “What the bloody hell are you doing!” and then proceeded to wrestle me to the floor, kneeing me quite accurately in my Nutkins on several occasions. After we were prized apart, my friends blamed me for causing the scene asking such questions as:

“Why would there be a waxworks of Nutkins, as we all know that Michaela Strachan was by far the most popular Really Wild Show presenter?”

“Why would his waxwork be posed leaning against a wall outside of the women’s toilets?”

“ Why would he be posed reading a text message on his mobile phone and not stroking a badger or handling a stoat or even sneering at Chris Packham?”

As you can probably tell this was a rather distressing situation that I feel could be easily avoided in the future if you either:

A) Tell all visiting celebrities to never stand still, and maybe enact a jogging on the spot policy.

Or:

B) Make all celebrities to wear a sign around their neck reading “REAL LIFE CELEBRITY, DO NOT HUG.”

Please could you let me know which of these policies you plan to put in place, as I fear that I will be unable to visit Madame Tussaud’s or watch the Really Wild Show until this matter is resolved.

Yours Sincerely
Russell Palmer

Editors’ note: We haven’t heard from them yet. Maybe they are still waxing on it?