Welcome to our weekly column with Russ “chords of gold” Palmer. This week, he writes with a transdimensonial worries to  Teletext…

Dear Mr Teletext

A friend told me that if you open page 666, on channel 4, on the 31st October, at midnight, it opens a direct portal to Hell unleashing all the evil that has been, will be and is yet to be onto an unprepared world destroying all that is good and decent and shrouding the planet in perpetual darkness and despair.

I’ve had a look and it seems to be a page about Horse Racing.

So, is page 666 a portal to hell or a page about Horse Racing?

Yours sincerely
Russell Palmer

Teletext’s Reply

Dear Mr Palmer.

It is a page about Horse racing.

Yours sincerely
Toby Warren
Customer Service Advisor

Editors’ note

Well, back when this was written, yes, it was ONLY a page about Horse Racing. But since Teletext has been bought off by Rupert Murdoch, either you get a paywall or you look directly into Rupert Murdoch’s absent soul.

Gimme The X-Factor any day, at least we already know THAT is the portal to hell. If it weren’t, how do you explain Succubus extraordinarie Cheryl Cole or MegaSatan Cowell? Uh?

Big Love

Quintana + Misky