Why Swimming in Sheffield? Because where others drown, we swim (actually, we duck paddle…)

Once more comes the time for this sorry excuse for a website/blog/zine/Wet Nuns & Cats:For:Peru & Firesuite fansite to dabble in the art of backslappin’ and brownosing. Hey, it pays for the bills. Of which we have many. It also pays for the drinks we take to drown those feelings of guilt (let’s call it bourrèlement ‘cuz we’re pretentious) about ignoring our principles.

We once considered in making an award ceremony but it would involve effort and making that horrible decision process that feels like picking people for a Five a side during the break and since flashbacks from those days in Catholic school are still a source of income for the shrink, we refuse to speak of that. Nor of Attica.

Right, enough passive-aggressiveness destined to burn a few bridges , here’s some stuff we enjoy:

MUSIC (well, of course)

Retribution Gospel Choir are the reincarnation of the bulbs in your amplifier. They buzz, overheat and leave you half blind. Their new EP, 3, is a joy for fans of trippy, jazzy music.

Audrey Horne take their name from a character from the infuriatingly complihttps://sloucher.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=9761&action=editcated Twin Peaks. They delve into shoegaze. Their bass player might be a getaway driver. We don’t know enough but we like ’em.

Canyon Family have just been around for less than a year, but they have made quite an impression. Their sound is like a road trip Gram Parson  never did, from Arkansas to California. Think Mazzy Star, Tresspassers Williams and maybe lost pirate AM transmissions. They are ace live.

Madame Recamier some nice pop from back home. Slighty on the vintage side, sweet for your St. Valentine’s (it’s a free downoad, you skint bastards!)

Borland hail from the Moon (corner of Manchester and Juvie Hall). They make eerie patterns. They don’t want your soul, they already snatched it.

Flaming Skulls are here to do some heavy riffing and tripping. They carry a dead crow that only resurrects when ‘Phantom Eye’ is played.

Macho Muchacho are from Ecuador. I have no recollection of when I first heard them but their name never left. They rock the math side of the music spectrum quite well.

Wet Nuns …. shit almighty, way back in 2010, we were in the dearly departed Stockroom, with a pot of jambalaya and less than 10 people in the room. It’s been a long road and the band have worked their fucking asses off to be where they are now. Their new EP, Broken Teeth, is out this month. Buy it, they do deserve your money after all these years.

Blessa by now, their name is already being heavily bandied around town (and out too), so check this gorgeous track by the dreamgazers…

The Payroll Union have released a brand new, well received album. Their Americana music is quite enjoyable and, heck, it’s quite educational. Check this monster out.

FOOD & DRINK

Our usual haunts are:

Tamper Coffee: Good food, tiny space (arrive early) and the only decent cup of coffee in Sheffield. Take it from a guy whose grandfather was from Veracruz, the best place on Earth for coffee.

The Rutland Arms: “If you told me they laced their Slutty Rutty Butties with crack cocaine, I would say ‘I knew there was something up!'” The alcohol selection is always enthralling and the food is great. Try the Cider Pig. If there’s any left. Quiz is rather good too, except when I’m the quizmaster. Thankfully, it only happened once and my ban lasted only a week.

Bungalows and Bears: The only place in town where one of our editors blew it with Natasha Kahn. Burgers are rather filling and tasty, music is good too. Do not miss the Rough Shag event (Feb. 22) with Flaming Skulls and Uneven Blonde‘s event with Jagwar Ma (Feb. 22).

The Harley: “As I sat with my Piggie Smalls burger, Seth pointed at the woman by the window. I asked him to switch places, as she still would very much like to see me 6 ft. under. Seth shouted her name. Hilarity did not ensue.” Good burgers, good music and good gigs. I might have history with the place. Have you got your 28 days of Harley card?

The Bath: A proper little place, with a cosy atmosphere and rather excellent ales. Sometimes they serve pork sandwiches. They are exceedingly taste. Just don’t tell them we sent you. I’m still wanted because of the noodle incident.

The Ranmoon Inn: First of all, there are always dogs and they rule. Second of all, it’s in the leafy suburbs. Third of all, it’s how I imagined pubs when I was in México. Good drinks and the pork pie is delish with the apple chutney.

Street Food Chef: Burritos might (or might not) be Mexican in origin, but we sure do serve them around. This place has some rather good options for ya. And they sell Jarritos, México’s 2nd best soft drink (1st one is Sangría Señorial).

EVENTS

Rollerderby Intraleague Bout II. Because rollerskating is ace. Skate Central. Doors at 7 pm. 5 quid. Includes queue jump for Corporation. Link.

Do you like boardgames? We are talking good ones, no Monopoly/Risk stuff that only helps as grounds for divorce. Then come around to The Harlequin to our own Super Board Games Sunday. Games like The Resistance, Carcassone and Race for the galaxy will be played. Yes, this is an event of ours. Yes, this is a conflict of interest. I don’t care. – February 24th.

GIGS

X Ray Featuring Volcanoes, Masters in France & The Lion Works. A staple good time at The Harley (Feb. 9th), with Hey Sholay and Is Tropical DJ sets.

Sense Sheffield A charity event for The Sheffield Royal Society for the Blind. Art, cocktails, raffles and music by Kiera Lawlor. Feb. 10th.

Steel Trees will invade Soyo with their hard rock (Feb. 11th). Support from Girl Spit and Desert Motel Club. Free.

Stop the wedding – 4 days of music and arts & crafts at that last outpost of sanity and indecency*, The Washington. February 13 to 17. Free.

Dead Sons – Them sexy and satanic ones peddle their apocalyptic desert rock. It’s sold out already. If anybody wants to smuggle me, I’m Mexican, so I’ve got practise. Should be a great gig. Feb. 16th.

Paws. February 19. Bungalows and Bears. Free.  That is all you need to know. Support from Virals and Nai Harvest.

Otis Gibbs  February 21st, at The Greystones (Mordor Inn for los cuates). Delectable for fans of proper Americana.

Drenge – Expelled from Castleton by the ghost of Ol’ Man Kerry, the duo will be rocking at Queens Social with Deap Vally.February 23rd.

Veronica Falls – Come and see if the hype is right (they are good). Stay because you need to see Fear of Men live. February 24th, The Harley.

Iceage – Rocking out on Feb. 27 at The Shakespeare. With Death Rays of Ardilla.

Final thoughts…

We do ask…. Where are Cats:For:Peru as of late? They are simply awesome, and, here it goes: they are Sheffield’s equivalent of The Breakfast Club. They’ve got Emilio Estevez on guitar!

And that’s that. See you in March.

*I once saw a woman barging in the men’s toilet. It was bizarre and awesome. God Bless Tramlines.