We are currently not taking promos.
Sloucher is the creation of one slightly deranged Mexican gentleman called (allegedly) Sam J. Valdés López. He writes most of this shit, but paid me (Orestes) to write it for him. Huh.
With a healthy rota of guest writers from all around the net, we try to review as much as we can. We don’t pay but we can bribe them with false promises of sweets and Jaffa cakes (hmm, jaffa cakes)…
We also specialise on being late with reviews, backhanded compliments and possibly liking stuff more than it deserves.
We might be a tribute act to Calvin and Hobbes. We are currently on hiatus. JUST LIKE CALVIN AND HOBBES.
Give us a like? Our Facebook ego grows…
You can contact us at Soundcloud too :
A round of applause to Lety Rodriguez de San Miguel Arevalo for making our logo. She’s a great graphic designer.
By the way, have you met our dear boy Lester?
Sam (Owner, Editor, reviewer, photographer, office monkey, Calvin wannabe, etc)
An eternal lost soul from México, Sam has worked for telecommunication companies, oil companies, environmental consultancies and frankly, he’s had it with the scum of the world. So the world of reviewing it is, then. While not spamming here and several other places, he’s doing a PhD, “playing” a guitar (connected through a
microKorg, natch!) and trying to perfect his Mancunian accent (no, still not getting it). Actually, the microKorg is now broken, so boo to that too. Two sandwiches short of a picnic. Not an asshole, just trying too hard to be one.
Orestes (Milk, insults, Hobbes wannabe)
Our amazing fast-hoofed online expert. We pay him in soy-based milk and kitchen knives. It (we don’t know if it’s a she or a he) likes to drink mead, buckfast and the occasional shot of peanut vodka. When not doing tech stuff for the Zine, Orestes leads its own religion, The Cult of Cowdonia (join him!). A shop that well stocked is the closest we all are to proving that there is a Heaven. And it smells of alcohol, baby. Y cuando se le acaba la inspiración, se ponde a despiporrar cosas nomás pa echar desmadre. LOST IN ACTION.
Catriona Chadderton loves math rock as much as she likes dinosaurs (especially on that documentary called Jurassic Park). When not writing some top-notch reviews for us, Cat solves crimes and waits for that call from Richard Ayoade.
Guests (aka current
slaves people that write for us)
Albert J. Ron
Part time musical enthusiast. Spends his off days dissecting others works in order to better enhance his own musical ambitions. It is often said that music journalists are just bitter, failed musicians – and to be fair that’s just how he likes it. Often described as a gentleman but never a gentle man. Very approachable. Very strong. Likes dogs.
Matthew/Matt/Jonesy (filmmaker, writer, reviewer, tea drinker, pun collector)
Matthew was born in the 90s at the tender age of 0. Since then he has developed a love for film and music of all kinds, except hair metal. Pugs, sloths and Huell Babineaux are his Kryptonite. He likes to summarize himself with the Patrick Star quote “The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” Why that quote, you cry? Because early SpongeBob rules.
Claudia Ramírez (cat enthusiast, mathematician, metal knowitall)
I’m just reviewing because I got kicked out of the Miskatonic University for trying to steal the Necronomicon. I failed an incantation to Cthulhu and all I got for my trouble was a plushy Cthulhu. It’s very comfy.
Keefy (reviewer, bass master, lover of post rock, all around top fella)
Things you should know:
- How did it get to 2012?
- Old, so knows nearly everything.(So don’t argue)
- Bloody musical snob.
- Loves the ’60’s but not stuck there.
- Plays bass guitar.
- Paints pictures.
- Likes the odd book.
- Often found wandering the hills in the Peak District.
- Has a love/hate relationship with his facial hair.
- ps. DO NOT BUY THIS MAN WHISKY.
Nicky Crewe (reviewer, writer, Legend)
Nicky loves history and spins quite a yarn at The Historic Gig Guide.
Fuzz Caminski (Writer, reviewer, drinker of tea)
Fuzz Caminski was born at an early age to humans. He spent too much of my time at Uni in Leeds and too little time becoming a proper grown up, member of society. Luckily his History degree taught him one thing more than any other, it’s not about proving you’re right, it’s about proving the other person is wrong! He openly admits to being a ‘lovable Bastard’. He does not like radio DJ’s who interject their monologues with the phrase ‘right, listen’, as clearly he already is listening, he has to be, it’s the very nature of the medium they’re broadcasting on! He like good coffee and peeling the plastic screen cover off of gadgets. He is often found swearing at the orange commercials in cinemas before the movie begins. Also, the following statements are accurate about the man-child; a reader of comics, drinker of tea, eater of sandwiches, listener of music, do-er of things and being a maker of lists!
Joseph McArthur Field (reviewer, stylish banjo)
Joseph is undergoing social rehabilitation following an epiphanic episode, where he fell out of love with pretty much everything. He now spends his time pretending aliens are real and writing about them, playing archaic and exotic instruments (or pretending to play them), and talking to himself without getting caught.
Other past-times he enjoys include lying to hairdressers about what he does for a living, anointing strangers’ dogs with peanut butter he’s hidden about his person, and smiling enigmatically when people talk to him about serious subjects.
Joe used to play the five-string banjo in The Griner Brothers and The Payroll Union, and occasionally still plays the damn instrument with art-country shitcore duo The Mason-Dixon Line Powergrab. He has a Tumblr, and can often be found penning tripe of the highest order at The Agoraphobic Reviewer.
Ashley Scrace (Writer, reviewer, exile)
Born in a rundown part of Kent, raised in decadent Hastings, and banished to the working-class North, it seemed as if Ashley’s path to Hell was set.
Yet three-years studying Journalism at the University of Sheffield changed his life. A Journalist, writer, musician, veggie, and “60-year-old trapped inside the body of a Colin Firth wannabe”, Ashley now resides in Portsmouth with his beautiful girlfriend, his collection of musical instruments, and his imaginary friend, Winston.
(Ok, so we made the last bit up)
“I’m proud of where I’ve come from,” he says. “Makes me realise that things can only get better, and it prepares you well for homelessness – or ‘living in Portsmouth’ as it is otherwise known.”
Surreal, misanthropic, and often mercurial, Ashley is an odd character to many. Never talk to this man about reality TV, how London is the best city in the world, or use the word ‘epic’ in his presence. Any such aggravation will provoke a stern, burbling, British telling off. You have been warned.
Russ Palmer (Writer, monkey wrangler)
Russ is the singer and guitarist for Sheffield band The Unfortunate Incident. Russ has a gorilla called Pow-Pow in his shed that he has taught to have a sign language vocabulary of over 2000 words. Russ transcribes Pow-Pow‘s ramblings and passes them off as his own work. Russ is a plagiarising no-talent bastard. Now feck off and fetch me a banana.
Abigail Evans (reviewer, Journalistic soldier of fortune)
Abigail Evans – an enigma, wrapped in a Journalism Studies degree, wrapped in a fur coat, dipped in vodka and sprinkled lightly with surrealism.
Simimon (a.k.a. Miller) (illustrations – web & zine)
Real bio coming soon! Suffice to say, he draws the webcomics, lives in a coffee shop 24/7 and routinely test-crashes his car. His drawing style is mainly manga, but decided to branch out for webcomics. Any feedback is always welcomed (although might not be taken into account for a while). He’s new comic, Crónicas de Amaltea, is rather nifty.
Alivon (Inks & Colour – web & zine)
Our very trusty comic book inker and dialogue-balloon-maker, she enjoys a good movie, and re-shaping the universe from her Wacom Tablet. She’s not an actual chocolate, but she’s quite sweet.
Mikaela Shafer (Writer, reviewer)
Mama, crafter and food snob. She wears shiny pants and bakes fresh baked bread and listens to 60’s french pop. She lives in a tiny bungalow in Utah and spends her nights cuddling with her bff and girl child and watching documentaries on sharks. You can get more info from all things cool in Ogden at her blog, Indie Ogden.
Jonny Sock (deviant, agony aunt)
Caitlin White (reviewer, snazzy dresser)
Homo Rodans (Writer, reviewer, antipoet)
Alex Rucki (Writer, reviewer)
Pippa (PM) – (Editor, reviewer, writer)
Tommy Blank (Writer)
Grace Crook (reviewer)
Jimmy Jazz (reviewer, Castleton superhero)
Lizzie Palmer (Journalist, Reviewer, violin prodigy)
Emily Ireland (Musician, piano prodigy)
Beth Louise Coleman (Reviewer, discerning musical taste, cat enthusiast)
Coral Williamson (reviewer, videogame prodigy)
*The reason we don’t talk about politics and religion (and this includes atheism/agnostics/pastafarians) is because we ain’t giving any of them free publicity (good or bad). Ta.
All audio that is streamed on this website is there for the purposes of listener enjoyment and so that readers can experience new music and bands on the internet without having to illegally download their music. Some artists will give us audio files from time to time and in said cases, it will be explicitly stated. We do not own the copyright to this material and if you wish for us to take something off the website please email us at:
editors (at) sloucher.org