>>>>INCOMING TRANSMISSION

FROM: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
TO: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
SUBJECT: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Agent availability? Proceed to location #237 HEX9B. Reported new sighting, possible Dimensional Shambler. Scan for Cthulhoid activity, report back //ENDS

FROM: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
TO: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Confirm Agent at location #237 HEX9B. Made contact with locals, maintaining Level 7 cover. Initial signs: possible portal to parallel dimension, no evidence of inter-dimensional beings. Proceeding to portal entrance, intake of ‘Old Fashioned Fig’ antibodies in line with code ToC97Y //ENDS

FROM: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
TO: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Recommend Agent immediately switch to ‘Johnny Be Good’, apply Black Seal to portal. Code ToC97Y obsolete since Agent Handbook sixth edition //ENDS

FROM: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
TO: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Have entered portal. Colours from space. Green ichor permeates atmospheric matter. Switching to ‘Hansel’ manoeuvres, increasing spice/ginger levels. Previously dangerously low. Stars are alive here //ENDS

FROM: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
TO: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Concerned for Agent sanity. Move skill slider, increase will power. Initiate programme ‘Carpaccio’ //ENDS

FROM: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
TO: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Programme irrelevant. Stars alive. Truth is a lie. Data follows. Flora and fauna observed so far: Rabbits, mushrooms, deer (LOOK ITS HOOF FACES THE WRONG WAY), squash, fish leap in river of golden amber (THIS FOAM IS DELICIOUS), conical beings with many limbs serve me fluids from dazzling antediluvian goblets (‘THIS IS A SMILE’), now we are one, the ice flows, smells of lychee & pomegranate //ENDS

FROM: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
TO: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS Special Agent is lost beyond all hope. Return to prime dimension. Cease investigation. File report //ENDS

FROM: Special Agent ‘Banjo Chutney’
TO: Chief Commander ‘The Mexican’
SUBJECT: RE: Level 7 Mission Directive – IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION

//STARTS To be lost is to be found. Conical beings conducting thought-probe, beauty of endless possibility, human civilisation doomed for eternity. The Agency will be your downfall. Imminent arrival of Ancient Ones in cyclopean pyramid time-machine-spaceships. They are serving me the green ichor in human skulls now. YOUR MIND TASTES EXQUISITE //ENDS

Words: Joseph McArthur Field.

About the author: Joseph (@joemcafield)  writes for several publications, including his own Tumblr. Sometimes he dons a mask and roams the lonely gennels of Sheffield with a banjo.