What is Speed Hating?

For a less rambling introduction to what this event is about, please do check this link. You have been warned. -Orestes.

Y’all know the story: boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy fails to buy expensive presents and forgets a couple of important dates, girl only wants to moan, buy overpriced cupcakes and shoot deer at the park. Boy dumps girl (or girl dumps boy, we do live in modern times), it all end in tears with Lisa Loeb singing in the back (single available on iTunes).

But enough about my love life and now let’s talk about The Harley’s Speed Hating, an event deployed like those aluminium-based countermeasures fighter jets use to get rid of missiles. Yes, love is the ultimate war, a horrible perversion of a pure feeling. Heck, you might even say that love is a battlefield.

So, yeah, Speed Hating, at The Harley, this Valentine’s Day. What is it about? You pay yer door tax (2 quid), and then you are given a fake identity (let’s call it the Heartless Protection Program) and then you will be sat for rounds of four minutes with someone else (who also has a fake identity). Then you talk about all the things that annoy you and maybe you can even pretend to be the person you hate, as some sort of catharsis. Monocle and moustache are not included. Then you go on to another table and so forth.

There is a slight chance of you meeting someone (well, alcohol is the great mind confuser), so there will be a Wall of Meaningless Encounters (which has to be better than Top Gear‘s Cool Wall) where sensitive data can be exchanged. Like Facebook, but, you know, real and with less farms.

So if you are looking for a good counter-programming to this stupid date, just drop by The Harley from 9 pm onwards. 2 quid at the door, which includes Heartbreak disco, so bust some moves instead of feelings…

…and if that doesn’t sell the idea, hey, Drive is out on DVD, so go watch that, you goddamned loner.

One thought on “What is Speed Hating?

  1. Love this write up guys!

    Just to clear up any confusion though, there are only 50 Speed Hating places available, due to the nature of the event, and only a few tickets left!!

    The Heartbreak Disco is totally unlimited though. so we can all dance and weep simultaneously.


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