Welcome to our new weekly column with Russ “chords of gold” Palmer. This week, he writes with grave concern to Little Chef…

Dear Mr Little Chef,

I recently called into one of your establishments for a rest and a meal during a long drive. I was seated in a seat near the kitchen door, which was rather nice as I received a nice warm breeze when the door swung open and a lovely waft of bacon smell.

On this very pleasant occasion I had a peak into the kitchen, because I think it’s always nice to see who’s cooking your dinner and make sure they don’t have a beard. I was pleased to see the Chef had no facial, which was a relief as I have a recurring nightmare where Brian Blessed cooks me an omelette and it’s full of beard hair, but I’m too polite to mention it so I have to eat it while he watches laughing in his menacing baritone… I digress.

When I did catch a glimpse of the chef I was quite surprised to see that he was quite small in stature, possibly around 5 foot, maybe less. Then another chef came into view and, bugger me, if he wasn’t even smaller.

Then it occurred to me, maybe this was a gimmick of your chain that you only hire little chefs. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and set off on my way down the motorway. After a short while I saw a signpost for another Little Chef, I wasn’t hungry but I couldn’t resist the temptation to pop in and see if my theory was right. I had a cup of your lovely coffee and sat near the kitchen and this time caught a glimpse of a female chef who was indeed under 5 feet tall.

This question has intrigued me for a good couple of months now and my friends are sceptical every time I raise the matter in conversation, so I’ve decided to email you to see if you will clear the matter up for me.

Do you only employ Little Chefs?

Yours Sincerely

Russell Palmer

Little Chef’s Response:

Dear Mr Palmer

Thank you for your email that we received yesterday.

There has been some discussion as to the most appropriate response in regard to your enquiry and several jokes did come to mind during the process. We have, however, decided to respond in a full, frank and factual way to the question raised and run the risk of appearing to have to sense of humour.

The selection criteria for the recruitment of chefs within out business does indeed have a height restriction due to health and safety requirements, however this imposes a minimum height, not a maximum height. The reason for this is because it is deemed to be an unacceptable risk to cook food on a hot range that is at eye-level.

There is no preference given to applicants of shorter stature and selection is based purely on the candidates ability to produce food to the required high standard consistently.

We do not record centrally the vital statistics of our chefs and therefore I cannot confirm whether the mean average height of our chef population is in line with the National average or indeed whether it exceeds it. I can however confirm that if the average does differ from the norm then this is either pure coincidence or some sort of sub-conscious self-selection, namely “little” chefs choosing to apply to be little chefs for Little Chef because they feel some fit or synergy with the name. Anecdotal evidence of this could include undertakers called Mr. Box and accountants called Mr. Money.

The whole concept could be worth further research, for example are employees of Orange (Telecom) of a slightly darker hue than most or do they people find that they use sun-beds more once they are employed by them? Also do people who work for Thomas Cook find that they buy less take-aways than their neighbours.

I hope that this reponse satisfies both your needs and those of your friend in regard to your enquiry.

Your Sincerely

Brian Whittaker (Average Height)

Head of Human Resources.

Little Chef.