As a kid of the 80s, I had the stupidest crush and her name was Laura Branigan. Even if the video for Self Control freaked the fuck out of me, I found her eyes enthralling, and her crystal vocals soothed my fidgety nature.

Years later I would find out that William Friedkin, as in, William “I fucking directed the exorcist” Friedkin. Sorcerer. The French Connection. Cruising. To live and die in L.A. Master of how to light a scene. He made one of the best videos of all time and yeah, there were a lot of things that flew over my head as a kid watching that video. I just was mesmerised by Laura Branigan.

I never had money for albums as a kid, spending it mostly on either toys or comics. My brothers never bought her albums, so no chance of a hand me down here or there, so in time, Self Control just became a memory.

Enter Grand Theft Auto Vice City and my work for a parastatal in 2004. While not doing video processing or writing, I would play a VERY LEGAL copy of Vice City on my work laptop, basically doing a mission or two, then just cruising around, listening to the radio stations and the fake ads. A lot of the music I’ve forgotten about from the 80s came back, like that scene from Ratatouille. Self Control is such a well crafted song, you can clearly listen to each part, even if they all pale in comparison to Laura Branigan’s vocals. The longing and sadness conveyed by every sigh and note, simply irresistible.

Did I mention I had a crush on her?

A few years later, I went through a bout of depression and insomnia. I would leave the house and walk on my own, or maybe drive without direction. One of the songs I could hear in my head was Self Control. “I, I live among the creatures of the night”. I would imagine myself walking on the dim lit streets of Insurgentes in the 80s, with a Members Only jacket and Panam shoes, thinking about my life, with no direction at all. I think Self Control and Glenn Frey’s You belong to the city conjure that same image in my head: just walking on sidewalks, not on the prowl, but just looking for some kind of meaning, counting the cracks on the pavement, smelling street food half burning on nearby stands.

I hate so associate a beautiful song like Self Control with depression AND insomnia, but the way I got over that was by writing a novel in 2009, one I’ve mentioned in another post. Self Control gets a few shout outs on the novel and it’s crucial to the plot. I really need to do a re-write and edit of that novel. Never realised how fast life goes by and I need to sort it all.

-Sam J. Valdés López