I have a recurring dream. A clown wearing a teal scarf chases me through dark ginnels. The half-rotten leaves covering the ground offer no footing at all and the clown eventually catches me. Then it starts playing a bass solo.

That’s all well and good, but outside of the clown-motif, it has nothing to do with Mock Tudors’ debut EP, I am Bozo. A flirty collection of songs recovered from the depths of a recording studio in Rawmarsh [citation needed], I am Bozo fleeting nature pivots around ‘No. 1 fan’, a Adam and the Ants-esque song told from a rather disturbed individual’s point of view. The entitlement of this anorak-wielding chap, who’s based his entire personality on obsessing over a band, drips through the delicious track. You might see yourself portrayed, you might know someone using the very same lines as a pick-up strategy, you could even wonder if it’s actually a denouncement of a certain individual. Questions sent to the band through different means yielded no answer.

I point out at ‘No. 1 fan’ not because it’s the only part of this affair that matters, but because it’s a clear change of pace, as all other songs are straight-running bits of garage punk. ‘Bozo’ has that diy punk energy with the vocal urgency of Thomas Dolby that suggests to start a pogo. ‘Distraction alarm’ has that “descending” chord change that pairs well with a synth solo, guiding us as we carefully descend a damp basement of an abandoned semi-detached home. ‘Barbara’ sends waves of Once upon a time in the Midlands energy, leaving the band playing to themselves in a half-lit Bingo hall, the smell of rolled-up cigarettes and out of date Red Stripe lingering as they whistle away.

Hold up. I still got questions.

Who are these Tudors? Why are they mock? Do they not bear the royal warrant of appointment as punk and garage purveyors? Is there a market for fraudulent British lineages? Will they not heed the call of the swords of a thousand men?

The mind boggles. Ask me again after a proper fry up breakfast.

-Sam J. Valdés López

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