Footbah!: NFL – Week 1


Week 1: So, like I said last time, after years of pretty much ignoring all NFL games, I jump into this whole sports writing malarkey just to widen my writing range. And ruin more articles with my poor proofreading skillzzzzzzzzzzzz yo. I’ll focus on one game and write a few lines about the other games I managed to catch.

Spotlight on: Dallas Cowboys vs San Francisco 49ers.

This was always going to be a tricky one to write about, since I was in a room with a two hardcore fans of each team in the same room and a very hungry fox terrier aching to bite the 49ers‘ fan.

From the get go, this will be a bad game for Dallas. A fumble and speedy steal means that San Franscisco is already ahead by seven points. Dallas‘ Dez Bryant (88) gets tagged on his back so brutally you know Bane is in the bleachers with one tear on his eye, thinking “that’shhhhh my boy, Mr. Wayne!”

Still, it’s been said that a cornered animal will strike ferociously back and that was Dallas‘ idea. Sadly, too many incomplete passes and a few more interceptions meant that by half-time, the game was a already a loss, with the 49ers strutting a cool 25 point lead.

Troy Aikman was commenting on the game and whatever he was saying, you know he was thinking “Romo, sonny boy, move aside, give my your jersey, your helmet and your shoes and I’ll show you how to fix this.”

Heck, I might be joking about Aikman, but Emmitt Smith and Deion Sanders have already chimed in. Smith said “they have no identity” (source) and Sanders, well, he probably was looking for a place to hide during NFL GameDay.

You’ll notice I’ve stopped talking about the game. That’s because although Cowboys really tried (and failed again) during the second half, this wasn’t much of  a game but more of a lesson of how a mighty team keeps stumbling down, hardly. The silver helmet with that navy blue star seems dented now. Maybe it was all those fouls that flourished during the second half like mushrooms in the rain season.

Heck, for the whole second half of the game, Romo‘s face is a perfect match to:

                                                          Boogie Nights, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson, USA, New Line Cinema, 1997

San Francisco didn’t score in the second half of the game. They didn’t need to. It would’ve been like kicking a person that has been hitting themselves in the face with a board full of nails for the last 3 hours. Why bother to humiliate someone who is just a disgrace?

Get back to the drawing board, Dallas, you can pick up the pieces and come back. Hopefully. But I won’t bet on it.

Other games:

Eagles (34) – Jaguars (17): If there is one truth is that the Eagles love a twist. End of first half and you’d swear they got plucked like chickens at KFC. Then they flip the tortilla (and the bird) and come back, Rocky style.

Browns (27) – Steelers (30): Great but brutal game. Ended up rooting for Cleveland but, alas, I really shouldn’t pick teams randomly, even if they seemed to be the more sporting of the two. Say whatever you want, but how could anyone defend Pittsburgh’s Antonio Brown (84) doing this:

Game of Death, dir. Bruce Lee, Hong Kong, Golden Harvest/Concord Productions Inc., 1973

Sure, a lot of this “THIS IS SPARTA!” jokes ensued, but I don’t think Spencer Lanning (Browns) found it funny at all.

Ravens (16) – Bengals (23)Top touchdown by Steve Smith Sr. (89), who caught Joe Flacco’s pass deftly. Smith had a couple of Bengals on the way, but a swift Wuxi Finger Hold and he paraded to score. Still, Flacco‘s had bad luck with receivers and too many missed opportunities meant the Ravens lost. Still, you can recover from losing a game, but can Baltimore Ravens recover from the shocking Ray Rice video? We’ll see.

Dolphins (33) – Patriots (20):  New England tries their best to cement their advantage after two quarters, but to no avail. 23 points scored by Miami in the second half, none by Patriots. Back to the drawing board for Brady and pals.

Panthers (20)  – Bucaneers (14): This game started at the same time that Dallas vs San Francisco. It ended earlier. Time is non-linear in the grid iron league. That’s all I can say about it. PS: Pretty tight score, but not as tight as…

Chargers (17) – Cardinals (18):this game, which was a pretty entertaining spectacle. Think of it as White House Down : paceytwistey and just plain ol‘ fun. More like this, please.

Let’s see if I can catch more games this week….

Words: Sam J. Valdés López

3 thoughts on “Footbah!: NFL – Week 1

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