The Sunday Soapbox – Alice in Wonderland

When I heard Burton was directing ‘Alice’ I was absolutely thrilled, “O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” I shrilled.

And then I found out it was CGI, a less-than frabjous day,
And like a tea-tray in the sky,
My jubjub hopes flew away.

“O, Oysters, come and walk with us!”
Tim Burton did beseech.
“A pleasant film, a pleasant cast”
Tim Burton did preach:
“We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each”

“It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!”
Johnny Depp said nothing but,
“Give us more CGI”

How doth the little Mia fare?
She does well I suppose,
How curiouser and curiouser,
It was an Australian he chose.

And how is a raven like a writing desk?
Taken as literally as Burton:
Their uses are similar and all the rest,
There are many similarities I’m certain,
That is not the point, he did digress

You must speak roughly to the Johnny Depp and beat him when he sneezes, he only does it to annoy because he knows it pleases,

TweedleDisney and Lewis Carroll,
Agreed to have a battle,
For the Disney bankers said TweedleCarroll,
Had spoiled their nice new rattle.

The Disney and the Lewis Carroll were fighting for the crown,
“They were late for an important date” The mock turtle did frown,
“They were a-sitting on a gate” the Tiger lily said,
“Disney went for the $$$ and lost their creative heads”

It was a caucus race,
At a stupidly literal pace,
No eccentricity,
For the March Hare’s tea,
And as enduring as a Cheshire cat’s face.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?”
Quiet Anne Hathaway you slithy flop!
‘Drink Me’ and I shall ruin the magic,
I shall take everything of Alice and turn tragic,

Well no it wasn’t that bad,
But there was no fickle brillig nonsense,
It made me mimsy mad,
That the story was of so much consequence,

It was like a crap adventure film,
Though I do hate to chastise,
“I weep for you,” the Walrus said:
“I deeply sympathize.”

Soup of the evening, beautiful soup!
We must have more pepper!

They tried to paint the roses red,
But in the end I was left un-fed,
And I chimed heartily,
“Off with his head!”

NOTE: This piece was written with the work of Lewis Carroll, if you can spot the number of references, Orestes will give you a medal (made of tin foil) – Misky

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