The days before I had to leave Sheffield in 2013 are a bit of daze. The air felt colder, the sun never came out, the overcast, gloomy weather was a reflection of my feelings. It was a five year plan coming to an end and the result wasn’t what I expected. I guess life isn’t what you want all the time.

That’s okay, I guess my time there had to come to an end, and although the pastures weren’t neither green nor new, it was a change. The PhD wasn’t going anywhere and this Shithole of a Website (TM) called Sloucher felt more of an obligation than the creative output I was happy with in 2011 and 2012.

About a week I had to leave, I started getting rid of a lot of stuff that wouldn’t fit the luggage I had at my disposal. Several books from Rare n Racy, weird sci fi from here and there, and all my science stuff, gone. My nice CD collection sold off for 22 quid at CEX. Plenty of clothes gone to the closest charity I could find. The XBOX 360 Zuzy gave me I left with a friend, never hearing about it or the posters I asked him to keep an eye on. God knows what happened to my Pathfinder and Dr Who collectibles. I had them in a neat toolbox and now it’s nowhere to be found.

My good friend Lili kept some of my things, via former Sloucher collaborator James Pennock. A guitar, a few books, and a notebook I re-encountered with in 2018. That notebook became the basis for a novella I haven’t quite figured how to edit, but I’ll figure it out. Lili has been a good friend and although we don’t see each other much, we know we are just a few delayed whatsapp messages away from each other.

5 days before I had to leave Sheffield, I stood up from my bed and just walked. I walked to Uni of Sheffield, all the places that were new to me in 2008 now changed. Old buildings torn down for glass and steel monstrosities. My desk in Geography now empty. The drizzle dampening the arts tower. I went up the hill, via School Road, then even more up the hill, near Crosspool. All the time, saying goodbye to those places I would roam and walk through. All I could listen to was Low’s Dinosaur Act. I felt extinct. In a way, I guess I am.

I’ve re-visited Sheffield two more times, once in 2018, where I spent the weirdest 3 weeks of my life, and then in 2023, where I spent most of the time at an NHS. Most of the bands and people I knew have moved on, and I guess I have to too. I’ll revisit when I can and I’ll still look for the people that have been solid to me (Joe and Lu, James and Caroline, Roo, Jimmy McV, Blakey, and everyone I’m forgetting right now). It doesn’t hurt as much as it did in, say, 2014, but Dinosaur Act will always draw a sigh.

-Sam J. Valdés López