It’s never “the right time” for a break-up. But you can clearly tell when it’s coming. It can be a fidgety soon-to-be-ex partner, weird changes in personality, or a distance increasing in both physical contact and long distance communication, i.e. text messages.

It doesn’t matter the hardships you overcame together. It doesn’t matter the burgers and fries you enjoyed with the little money you had. It doesn’t matter if you went up a beautiful peak and saw the best goddamned view in all of England. If it’s gone, it’s gone.

The last break up I went through was tough, and I will always cherish my friends who were there for me. Either with jokes, with music, with drinks, or with any kind of emotional support, I only pulled through, slowly but surely, thanks to them. And when the anniversary of the break up loomed, Deftones’ Anniversary of an uninteresting event was the lifeline to grasp. It might be a little cruel, I guess, but if it works.

Signs that it’s soon to be over: you are the one that needs to start the conversation. When a meme or a joke is left as seen or with a terse “ha”. When you’re the one that has to make all the decisions and get milquetoast responses. We never want to accept it’s over and I believe that mourning period after a break up is in reality a long catharsis of letting go that creeping suspicion that things are soon to be over.

I’ve had four girlfriends in my entire life. Not a big number, but it is what it is. I’m surprised the number is greater than zero, to be frank. No regrets, we had good times together, but if it doesn’t work, why continue grinding the stone? I’m amazed at people who manage long term relationships without breaks. Either it’s a true love thing, or they just don’t want to accept it’s a routine thing and they are both afraid of being alone.

In the end, we’re all alone. And those are the most tragic relationships: you’re with someone, but you’re as lonely as you’ve ever been.

Take it away, Chino.

-Sam J. Valdés López