From the newsdesk – 1
Greetings, humans and carbon units pretending to be humans, it’s me, Orestes P. Xistos with a quick news round-up for your reading displeasure:
-Singer & songwriter Jess Morgan is currently running a funding campaign through the very useful Pledge Music to get her debut album funded. Just a few days left, but it’s sounding pretty nifty. Get more details here.
-Pssst! You want some free mix cds? We have given away 3, tres, three, trois very good mixes in the last months! We had one for the Mexican celebration of Posadas, then we had one for Boxing Day, so you Brits can’t accuse us of not blending in. We also had one celebrating that religious experience called the Superbowl. With Tamales. Click here and check out new and exciting bands!
-The people at Cognitive Dissonance have joined forces with Café Music Studios and Supernormal Festival to create Symbiosis, a project looking to help a band mix & master a record, get PR from Cognitive Dissonance and play at Supernormal Festival. Read more about the line up right here.
-Local superheroes (they are kinda like the West Coast Avengers, really) Hey Sholay has just signed with Fierce Panda Records. Catch up with an interview we did to one of their members (allegedly), check a couple of reviews from their recordings (split ep, single, tape and pray to Jebus they didn’t give up the KAOSSilator for lent. Want more Hey Sholay stuff? An interview with their biggest enemy and a poem, maybe?
-Do you live in Sheffield and fear for the future of our very nice librarians after those stupid cuts were made? You can help them by joining them on February 29th at the Quaker Meeting House (map), from 6:30 pm onwards.
-What is WTF Festival? Well, it’s an event with several musical genres and poetry at Ruta Maya in Austin, Texas. The date? March 14th. The catch? Well, they’re struggling for funding. Here’s a kickstarter link. Need to know more? Here’s their website.
-After a couple of EPs (yes, two!), Louise Distras will now record a full length album in London, produced by Pat Collier (who has worked with Maximo Park and New Model Army) and Steve Whale. Ms. Distras next festival appearance will be at Another Winter Of Discontent Festival, London.
-Are you enjoying lent? We aren’t and have now created our own cult, led by mythical figure (and gonzo pet) Orestes “P. is for Phony” Xistos. JOIN THE CULT OF COWDONIA, human! (unless you don’t like milk).
February 23, 2012 | Categories: News, rant, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Cognitive Dissonance, Cult of Cowdonia, Fierce Panda, Hey Sholay, Jess Morgan, Louise Distras, Sheffield Libraries, West Coast Avengers are better than East Coast Avengers, WTF Festival | Leave A Comment »
Some February gigs to look for …
February, the Tuesdays of the year. What to do? Here’s a couple of suggestions:
Carmen Ghia & The Hot Rods (Queens Social Club, February 18th.)
The first time we heard from this band was when we sneaked into the Christmas party of a swing (as in the dance, not the other type) society. The party wasn’t that good, but the band was. Support comes from Jack Rabbit Slim and The Slingshots, Dolly Go Tightly and Ben-Z.
Allo Darlin’ (Queens Social Club, February 25th)
For those longing for a long bygone era where 7″ records where played by groups of friends huddled together while sharing a bag of Tropical fruit flavoured Skittles, this one is for you. Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun (no Laura Marling, thankfully). Entry: 7 squid.
Martyn (The Harley, February 25th)
If you’re more of a “bríncale, bríncale” sort of person and need to move around, then here’s something to bust a move. Entry: 5 quid.
Hookworms (The Harley, February 28th)
This gig might’ve lost one of the acts, but Hookworms alone should be a good one. Heck, we enjoyed their stuff. Entry: 5 English pesos.
Johnny Foreigner (The Harley, March 1st)
Lot of respect to this band. First, they handed that NME dude his arse back several times and second, they are pretty good. Support is from Screaming Maldini, who sadly no longer rock the white vs pink, but they do rock. And, hey, we interviewed the Maldini squad too. Should be a good one for 6 quid.
February 17, 2012 | Categories: Where's my mars bar | Leave A Comment »
Singles reviewed : What the Blood Revealed, Adi Carter, Heroes of the Mexican Independence Movement, Johan Reinhold, Floating Death Picnic, The Bedford Incident, Black Market Serotonin, Nowhere Again, Ninetails, The Hudares
Greetings, readers bought all seven copies of my self-help guide, Getting back at the rustler that stole your red oxen (vol .2 Electric Boogaloo)! Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles are double-double, so watch out for that trans fat in our delicious cuts of smoked shoegazing bacon. Mind the indie dance chicken. And for Krist Novoselic‘s sake, don’t throw your bass in the air, you might end up writing political science for the rest of your life while you wallow in self-pity on that day you said no to a high paying job packing foodstuffs in orange bags at Sainsbury’s.
Ah, singles, right:
February 13, 2012 | Categories: 80's, Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Atheist Rock, Baroque, Bass is underrated, Proper Pop, Proper Rock, rant, Retro is better than autotune, Reverb pedal: love it, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Adi Carter, Black Market Serotonin, Floating Death Picnic, Heroes of the Mexican Independence Movement, Holy Fuckbeans that's a shitload of singles, Johann Reinhold, Ninetails, Nowhere Again, rant, singles, The Bedford Incident, The Hudares, What the blood revealed | 1 Comment »
What is Speed Hating?
For a less rambling introduction to what this event is about, please do check this link. You have been warned. -Orestes.
Y’all know the story: boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy fails to buy expensive presents and forgets a couple of important dates, girl only wants to moan, buy overpriced cupcakes and shoot deer at the park. Boy dumps girl (or girl dumps boy, we do live in modern times), it all end in tears with Lisa Loeb singing in the back (single available on iTunes).
But enough about my love life and now let’s talk about The Harley’s Speed Hating, an event deployed like those aluminium-based countermeasures fighter jets use to get rid of missiles. Yes, love is the ultimate war, a horrible perversion of a pure feeling. Heck, you might even say that love is a battlefield.
So, yeah, Speed Hating, at The Harley, this Valentine’s Day. What is it about? You pay yer door tax (2 quid), and then you are given a fake identity (let’s call it the Heartless Protection Program) and then you will be sat for rounds of four minutes with someone else (who also has a fake identity). Then you talk about all the things that annoy you and maybe you can even pretend to be the person you hate, as some sort of catharsis. Monocle and moustache are not included. Then you go on to another table and so forth.
There is a slight chance of you meeting someone (well, alcohol is the great mind confuser), so there will be a Wall of Meaningless Encounters (which has to be better than Top Gear‘s Cool Wall) where sensitive data can be exchanged. Like Facebook, but, you know, real and with less farms.
So if you are looking for a good counter-programming to this stupid date, just drop by The Harley from 9 pm onwards. 2 quid at the door, which includes Heartbreak disco, so bust some moves instead of feelings…
…and if that doesn’t sell the idea, hey, Drive is out on DVD, so go watch that, you goddamned loner.
February 13, 2012 | Categories: Where's my mars bar | Tags: Speed Hating, The Harley | 1 Comment »
Tamal Superbowl Mix CD
Whoa! It feels like it was barely a couple of months ago (43 days, but who is counting?) that we brought you not one but two awesome mix cds from bands that might be unknown, but golly gee willickers, they are good. Especially Wet Nuns (they bribed us). (more…)
February 6, 2012 | Categories: Free Mix CD, mixtapes rule, MP3s, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Adi Carter, Austin, Cats:For:Peru, Citizen Tank, Drenge, Gunning for Tamar, InFictions, Jess Morgan, Jumping Ships, Last Harbour, Manchester, Mexico, Neil Cousin, Norwich, Owen, Oxford, Oxo Foxo, Post numero mil!, Sheffield, SIckboy, The Jonathan Arellano Project, The Wooden Birds, United Kingdom, Young Astronaut | 2 Comments »
Singles: Field Music, Alvin Purple, Master and the Mule, Cut yourself in half, Holy State, Baddies, Blacklisters
Greetings, readers bought Orestes P. Coltrane’s guide to stalking your kindergarten teacher (vol. 1 Jello o’death!! Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Mexico‘s own Safari Tacos. Great food, so-so service, great memories. Go for a Quesafari al Pastor, which basically is a big arse quesadilla with pastor meat (the non-unionised Mexican equivalent of kebab meat). It fucking rules and best of all: it has a lot of piña (that’s pineapple in Spanish).
Ah, singles, right:
January 30, 2012 | Categories: 80's, Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Alvin Purple, Baddies, Blacklisters, cut yourself in half, Field Music, holy state, Master and the Mule, singles | Leave A Comment »
Single Reviews : Two Skies, Sickboy, Greymouth, Revival Hymns, Antlered Man, Finn Bonel
Greetings, readers bought all five copies of my self-help guide, Growing your own fairtrade kebab bonsai (vol .1 Ikkebana for the Soul)! Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Top Gear‘s delicious chili con carne. Now, if I could be any of them, I would be James May. He’s the intelligent one of the bunch. Although, how intelligent can he be while still tolerating Clarkson? The mind boggles. As much as Basil Brush‘s brush. That is not a double-entendre.
Ah, singles, right:
January 20, 2012 | Categories: 80's, Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Antlered Man, Finn Conel, Greymouth, Rantastic, Revival Hymns, SIckboy, singles, Two Skies | Leave A Comment »
Nat Johnson & The Figureheads – I’m across, I’m ashore
Stream – ‘Astronomy’
January 11, 2012 | Categories: Indie, Proper Rock, reviews, Where's my mars bar | Tags: I'm across I'm ashore, Nat Johnson & The Figureheads, Not Antifolk but proper rock (mit violin sehr gut), Sheffield | Leave A Comment »
Wake up to Wet Nuns
Yup, new year and we are still feeling the groooove this band gives. This is the video for ‘Heavens below’ and it’s roaring heckuva time.
Have a great Tuesday (the ugly duckling of the week according to my shaman in Veracruz) and, hey, you can download the song for free, yeah! And if that ain’t enough, we have an interview with them tomorrow.
Wet Nuns Website. Blawg Blog. Twitter. Soundcloud. Facebook. Nuthin’.
Remember: Every time you share this song, an angel loses its wings, grows some horns and drinks up. So let’s binge.
January 10, 2012 | Categories: Wake up song for today, Where's my mars bar | Leave A Comment »
Singles – Niña, obLONG, Captives on the Carousel, Model Village, The Wooden Birds
Greetings, readers who bought all 2 copies of my self-help guide, Surviving Christmas Break Ups with Turkey marinated in Rum! Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Robert Patrick, the Terminator and Agent Doggett. His brother is in a fucking awesome band called Filter and he dropped by in a concert to shout and headbang. AWESOME.
Ah, singles, right:
January 5, 2012 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Captives on the carousel, Model Village, Niña, obLONG, singles, The Wooden Birds | Leave A Comment »
Best of 2011
By now you’re probably dead tired of end of the year lists, some of them are extremely self-indulgent and, well, they do get a little samey.
It’s always hard to do these End of year things… not only because you’re still struggling with food coma nor because it’s sometimes a bit of a self-indulging thing. No, the problem is that as an editor, you tend to forget stuff around and sometimes even just plain give up in deciding which bands went above and beyond duty. (more…)
January 3, 2012 | Categories: Where's my mars bar | Tags: Best of 2011 | 2 Comments »
Singles: Singles – Gregory and the Hawk, Wot Gorilla?, VSP, Austin TV, Castrovalva
Greetings, people who still think Freddie Hubbard is a legend (he is). Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Yes, the second one of this week. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Billy Joel‘s fantastic music and the realisation that him and Michael Keaton look quite similar, especially in the 80s. I’m supercereal, you guys. With bananas, skimmed milk and maraschino cherries.
Ah, singles, right:
December 2, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Apocalyptic stuff, Art rock, Baroque, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Austin TV, Castrovalva, Gregory and the Hawk, singles, VSP, Wot Gorilla? | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Forest Fire, Jay Leighton, Blacklisters, Tomorrow we sail
Greetings, readers bought all three copies of my self-help guide, Stalking Chris Martin for the Common Cow. Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Jarvis Cocker‘s beard and his recent disappearance into the great Gillette in the sky. Now, if he could only sing ‘Like a friend’ whenever I go to the shower, life would be grand. Although ‘Mile end’ would be more fitting
Ah, singles, right:
November 29, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Blacklisters, Forest Fire, Jay Leighton, rants, singles, Tomorrow We Sail | 1 Comment »
Singles: Fresh Snow, Tomorrow We Sail, Ali Koehler, Cave Birds, Late Night Fiction, Rarechild, Azitiz
Greetings, readers getting banned from a certain Sheffield dive bar after calling the owner a “bellend” (he/she deserved it, though, I REGRET NOTHING). Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human slaves review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Venom and Carnage, those two idiot symbiotes from Spiderman, and their recent foray into Benetton ads. What’s the deal with ‘em, yo?
Ah, singles, right:
November 18, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Ali Koehler, AZitiZ, Cave Birds, Fresh Snow, Late Night Fiction, Rarechild, Tomorrow We Sail | Leave A Comment »
Singles : The Savage Nomads, King porter stomp, Birdeatsbaby, Mazzy Star
Greetings, readers drinking Rice Juice (fairtrade, natch!) and biting on that Slutty Rutty Butty you blagged from the Rutland Arms while the boss tries his Billy Bellend Tour 2012 t-shirt.
Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of B.S Johnson’s books and the letter Ch. Because when I was a kid, the nuns said it was a letter. So it is.
Ah, singles, right:
November 11, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, Dreamy, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Birdeatsbaby, Kingporterstomp, Mazzy Star, The Savage Nomads | Leave A Comment »
Preview: 322 Festival at The Bowery
The Uneven Blonde crew invite you to not one but two nights of rock and roll, good times and debauchery (not necessarily in that order) with their mini-festival, 322, this 18 and 19 of November at The Bowery. (more…)
November 8, 2011 | Categories: gigs, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Alt J, Best Friends, Bloodsport, Django Django, Howler, The Bowery, Uneven Blonde | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Dennis Hopper Choppers, Psychic Twin, Silicon Ballet, Stalagmites, Wet Nuns
Greetings, readers drinking Abuelita chocolate (not Fairtrade) while reading Doctor Who and the Cybermen while the boss is buying a helicopter. Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy both of Adi Carter‘s mad remix skills and Rutland Arms, easily the best pub in Sheffield. Yup. Deal with it. And no, they didn’t pay us. Yet. Skint mofos…
Ah, singles, right:
November 4, 2011 | Categories: reviews, singles, Art rock, Alt country, Where's my mars bar, Americana, Bass is underrated, Scary | Tags: Wet Nuns, Dennis Hopper Choppers, Rutland Arms, Psychic Twin, Stalagmites, Silicon Ballet | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Pistola Kicks, LickSpittle, The Lucid Dream, Ethan Ash, The Narrows, Stalking Horse
Greetings, readers drinking decaffeinated fair trade perry (wah wah remix) and nibbling spoons while the boss is singing the latest Coldplay dirge. Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Problem?
This week’s singles come courtesy of Electro and his goofball villain persona. Not the gritty Electro that appeared on the Sin-Eater arc of Spidey. That depressed me when I was a kid.
Ah, singles, right:
October 28, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Adele vs Kelly Clarkson, Ethan Ash, LickSpittle, Pistola Kicks, Stalking Horse, The Lucid Dream, The Narrows | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Hiatus & Shura, Hollows, Buffalo Bones, Master and the Mule, Ellen and the Escapades, Future Shape of Sound
Greetings, readers drinking HP Sauce (locally sourced and with adduct amines) and nicking egg noodles from Lukin’s while the boss is sniffing acetonitrile (which is better than a mojito – fact). Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human writers review ‘em. Mahalo.
“Who are these bands?” You might ask from your all-knowing chair (ergonomic-ah from ikea). Well, the names are attached. Give them a try. You might actually like them instead of buying another edition of Arcade Fire‘s The Suburbs (the Where’s Wally Edition).
This week’s singles come courtesy of Jimmy Saville and his gold chains. Man can do no wrong in my book. At least he ain’t Roman “Detritus” Polanski. Fuck that asshole.
Ah, singles, right:
October 21, 2011 | Categories: 70's, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Buffalo Bones, Ellen and the escapades, Future Shape of Sound, Hiatus and Shura, Hollows, Master and the Mule | 1 Comment »
Wake up to Dead Sons
It has been a hectic year for the people of Dead Sons. A couple of free songs (‘Berlin’, ‘Junk room’). a vinyl single (‘I am the Lord’) and several big name gigs, including performing opening duties for Arctic Monkeys at their homecoming gig at Don Valley Stadium.
How to cap it off? Well, releasing a brand new EP, Boom Booom, under the careful and everlasting gaze of Ross Orton.
We interviewed them recently (link) and here’s a video from of their newest song, ‘Shotgun woman’.
Dead sons Website. Myspace. Soundcloud. Facebook.
October 18, 2011 | Categories: Wake up song for today, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Dead Sons, Shotgun Woman | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Miniature Dinosaur, Deerhoof (w/Jeff Tweedy), Twilight Sad, The Miserable Rich, Esben & the Witch
Greetings, readers drinking styling moose earwax (decaffeinated, natch!) and nicking ginger cookies biscuits from the recently divorced red-haired bird at the office (buy her a pint) while the boss is buying the 600 quid remaster of Achtung Baby (aka the second best U2 album, after Zooropa. Deal with it). Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column. Granted, some of them aren’t singles, but I liked them and made my stupid human collaborators review ‘em. Mahalo.
This week’s singles come courtesy of Galactus and his recent addiction to vanilla Twinkies. Now, if he could only drop the planet kebab, we would all be happier and safer (but not fitter).
Ah, singles, right:
October 12, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Deerhoof, Esben & the Witch, Jeff Tweedy, Miniature Dinosaurs, The Racoonists, The Twilight Sad | Leave A Comment »
Invitation – Acoustic Loveliness at The Rutland Arms
The lovely pub called The Rutland Arms is becoming the base for the new acoustic night, Acoustic Loveliness.
It all kickstarts this Saturday 17th at 8:30 on the function room of the pub, with Afterdusk, Last To Be Picked and Sheddboatshed.
This event will carry on every month, every third Saturday. You can RSVP right here.
September 14, 2011 | Categories: Acoustic, Where's my mars bar | Leave A Comment »
Webcomic: Notas Letales
Hace un tiempito, vimos que dos amigos medio flojos se encuentran con una rana bien armada. Eso paso aquí. Luego, nos desviamos a lo vil (o a lo Dickens) para ver otros personajes, unos chistosos, unos medio manchegos. Eso fue acá. Ahora estamos en acuyá y por ende/consiguiente/eh? es el turno del tercer episodio de nuestro Webcomic. ¡Comeeenzaaamos! (more…)
August 26, 2011 | Categories: Creative writing, Webcomic, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Fantasia, Mexico, Realidad Alterna, Steampunk, Webcomic | Leave A Comment »
Singles: Gaoler’s Daughter, Afghan Raiders, Pisco Sour Hour, Matt Kim Andrew WK Soulja Boy, The Payroll Union
Greetings, readers drinking discount Kombucha mushroom tea (SUGAR!) and sneaking a looksie at Nardwuar (he rules) while the boss is listening to Adele (aka the music equivalent of Bridget Jones). Welcome to another edition of our “off again, off again, hey it’s on again!” single reviews column.
This week’s singles come courtesy of KISS getting snubbed from the final line-up for the Michael Jackson tribute. Now, that’s weird. It’s already a cash grab, why snub the masters of the sell-out?
Ah, singles, right:
August 26, 2011 | Categories: Alt country, Americana, Art rock, Bass is underrated, reviews, Scary, singles, Where's my mars bar | Tags: Afghan Raiders, Andrew WK, Gaolers Daughter, Matt and Kim, Pisco Sour Hour, Soulja Boy, The Payroll Union | Leave A Comment »






